車干軒

這次這些文章是紀錄我在美國讀書的進步路程,所以可能有些部分寫得很糟, 請多包涵, 假如有看到錯誤的地方,還請你們幫忙指證

hsuan Pi

Kristin M. Smith

English 88

12/3/17

How to stop being negative on the internet comment?

“A teenage girl's profiles on social networking sites reveal the vile messages from internet trolls that friends say pushed her to kill herself. Jessica Laney, 16, was found dead at her home in Hudson, Florida, on Sunday night after users on social networking sites branded her 'fat', a 'slut' and tormented her over her looks and love life.” (Daily Mail, Steve Robson and Lydia Warren, 12/12/12). The abuse of internet comments becomes the biggest problem in the virtual world and affects people in the real world. Internet comments were invented to provide people with the opportunity to write their own perspective as an anonymous identity. However, when people believe their comments are anonymous on the internet, they start writing negative comments unconsciously. In addition, internet comments become the tool of bullying. While others post their opinion on the internet, people who hold different opinion start to over-criticize their perspective on the internet comment. Just like Danielle Ziri wrote in The Jerusalem Post: “prevailing misconception that both adults and children have, that there are different standards and values in the real world and in the virtual world, and that what is forbidden in the real world is allowed and legitimate online” (Yitzhak Kadman). In short, when people come to the virtual world, they have double standards and values to the same situation, and most of them are negative. To manage people’s behavior on the internet, we can practice the ability of social awareness and self-management on the internet. By practicing the ability of social awareness and self-management, we can end negative comments from anonymous identities on the internet, and develop the future internet environment a better one. 

By practicing social awareness on the internet, people can be more empathetic and aware of how our comments affect others’ emotions. Nevertheless, when we lack empathy on the internet, we will write inappropriate things to criticize others. For example, there is a current event on the sports news. Kenyon Martin is an NBA player. He posted a comment on the internet to discriminate an Asian NBA player, Jeremy Lin, he said: “Do I need to remind this boy his last name is Lin? Like, come on man. Let’s stop these people. There is no way possible he would’ve made it on one of our teams with that hair style. Somebody needs to tell him, like, ‘alright bro, we get it. You want to be black.’ We get it. But your last name is Lin” ( bleacherreport, Tyler Conway).  Obviously, if Martin is empathy on the internet, he won’t write this negative comment. Most of the time we feel free and safe to write whatever we want on the internet because we assume people don’t know who we are on the internet, but actually they know who we are. However, what goes around, comes around, just like Hanson said “The Buddha is known to have said that getting angry at other people is like throwing hot coals with bare hands; Both of you get burned” (realsimple). When we write whatever we want on the internet, the consequences will be unthinkable. Just like the current event in the news, when Kenyon Martin wrote whatever he had in mind, now he faces public criticism. Therefore, to avoid this situation, we can use the strategy of Bradberry and Greaves provided in Emotional Intelligence 2.0: “step in their shoes” (169). Before we give someone a negative comment, we should think about how we would feel in their situation, and carefully evaluate the consequences it may cause. By applying the strategy: “step in their shoes” on the internet comment, it makes us aware of other’s emotions, and changes the way people think and write comments. Like what Jeremy Lin in response to Martin’s comments, Jeremy Lin said: “Hey man. It’s all good you don't have to like my hair and are entitled to your opinion. Actually i legit grateful you sharing it tbh. At the end of the day I appreciate that I have dreads and you have Chinese tattoos because I think it’s a sign of respect. And I think as minorities, the more we appreciate each other’s cultures, the more we influence mainstream society” ( bleacherreport, Tyler Conway). This comment shows us the importance of empathy. He uses the strategy: “step in their shoes” to feel others’ emotions and use it as a tool to help him write the comment. Still, it is not enough to stop our behavior. Despite people can be more empathetic when giving the negative comment, it didn’t mean they will manage their behavior to avoid giving the negative comment. Therefore, we need the ability of self-management to manage our behavior.

        When we know negative comments can affect others’ emotions, we can start to manage our behavior on the social media. The ability to be anonymous on the internet can be useful in allowing people to ask their problems and get support, but it is a double-edged sword. If people don’t know who we are when communicating through the internet, we are more likely to say things in a nasty tone, because we can’t see their body language or feel their emotions. Like Tom Sander, executive director of the Saguaro Seminar project on civic engagement at the Harvard Kennedy School, claims “We absorb a huge amount by the other person’s body language” (realsimple). Therefore, without the information from other person’s body language, we won’t manage our words, and consider the emotional state or the person we are communicating with on the internet. As a result, in order to manage our behavior, and avoid giving negative comments, we can exercise two strategies on the internet. The first strategy is to wait. Like Bradberry and Greaves wrote in Emotional Intelligence 2.0: “while we are waiting, things may surface that make our decision that much easier to make” (111). Take a moment before we send or post the negative comment. While we are waiting, time can help us being more objective to our comments. By doing this, we will have the time to compose something thoughtful and to think through the possible implications of what we are writing. The second strategy is to write the comment on our values. When we are writing the comment on the internet, we should always act on our values. Our emotions change all the time, but our values won’t. Like Daniel Goleman wrote “The mind’s thought stream flows endlessly, and emotions change like the weather, but values can be called on at any time, in any situation” (HBR’S 10 must reads, 126). Therefore, write the comment on our values can make our-selves more aware of what we write, and be less affect by our emotions. In other words, exercising this strategy can help us to keep our temper on the internet. By practicing three strategies of self-management, we can manage our behavior, and avoid giving the negative comments. Even though we can manage our action, it is still hard not to receive nasty words from others. Therefore, it is important to manage our emotions when we are receiving negative comments.

        By exercising the ability of self-management, we can manage our own emotions when receive negative comments. “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig like it” (the telegraph, Alex Proud). When we are receiving the negative comment, we will feel angry and offensive, our blood pressure is getting high, and heart beats quickly. We get into the fighting position, and in order to win the battle, we start to write something negative back to them. Nevertheless, in this process, we become the troll, like the people who give us the negative comment. Therefore, we need the ability of self-management to end the negative comment online. Like what Friedrich Nietzsche said, “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become the monster…” We need to utilize two strategies to manage our emotions, and avoid becoming the troll. The first strategy is giving ourselves a hand literally. Like what’s in the research, “Emotions come across much more stridently on screen than they mean” (realsimple). Therefore, when we receive the negative comment, and feel angry or anxious, give our-selves a little squeeze. According to the research, “soothing ourselves through gentle touches might lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol and boost the hormone oxytocin, which makes us feel relaxed and calm” (realsimple). In other words, by exercising this strategy, we are less likely to lash out in response. The second strategy is counting to ten. Bradberry and Greaves wrote in their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0: “When we feel ourselves getting frustrated or angry, stop ourselves by taking in a deep breath and saying the number one to our-selves as we exhale” (108). In short, when we receive the negative comment, take a deep breath and count to ten. It allow our rational brain some valuable time to catch up, and it can make us think more objectively and less likely talking back to the negative comment. By applying the ability of self-management when we receive the negative comment, we can stay aware on the internet, and improve the environment on internet comments.

        “Sixteen thousand-that’s how many words we speak in one day. So imagine how many unspoken ones cross through our minds. Most of them are not facts but evaluations and judgments entwined with emotions” (HBR’S 10 must reads, Daniel Goleman, 119). Sometimes, we are unconsciously giving the negative comment because it is easy to write emotional words to criticize others in the anonymous identity, and it is unavoidable to receive the negative comment on the internet, because everyone write whatever they have in their minds. Therefore, by practicing social awareness and self-management on the internet, we can recognize others’ feeling, manage our behavior, and manage our own emotions. Just like the story of Jessica Laney, there are many people suffering by the abuse from comments on the internet. In order to stop the negative comments on the social media, we need to practice the ability of social awareness and self-management. When we can be aware of our behavior and emotions on the internet comment, we can create the positive internet environment, and decrease the chance that our descendants suffer by the abuse from the negative words on the internet.

Work cited

Bradberry, Travis, and Jean, Greaves. Emotional Intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart, 2009.

Daniel Goleman. HBR’S 10 must reads on emotional intelligence. Harvard Business Review, 2015.

Steve, Robson, and Lydia, Warren. “Can you kill yourself already? The vile online message from internet trolls that led girl, 16, to hang herself” Daily Mail, 12 December 2012, .dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2246896/Jessica-Laney-16-committed-suicide-internet-trolls-taunted-told-kill-herself.html. Accessed 20 November 2017.

Danielle Ziri. “Internet Bullying Has Increased The Risk Of Suicide Among Youth, Warns Yitzhak Kadman” The Jerusalem Post, 4 December 2013, .jpost.com/National-News/Child-rights-advocate-The-Internet-bullying-has-greatly-increased-risk-of-child-suicide-333989. Accessed 15 November 2017.

Kate Rope. “why is there so much negativity on the internet” Realsimple, .realsimple.com/work-life/technology/communication-etiquette/negativity. Accessed 18 November 2017.

Alex Proud. “Before you abuse me in the comments section, please read this first” The Telegraph, .telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/11470793/Before-you-abuse-me-in-the-comments-section-please-read-this-first.html. Accessed 16 November 2017.

Tyler Conway. “Kenyon Martin Says Jeremy Lin's Dreadlocks Show He Wants to Be Black” Bleacher report, bleacherreport.com/articles/2737141-kenyon-martin-says-jeremy-lins-dreadlocks-show-he-wants-to-be-black. Accessed 15 November 2017.